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Things Single Women Want Their Married Friends To Know. I'm a 5. 1- year- old married mother to twin teenage daughters.

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I am blessed to have many girlfriends - - mostly married, several single - - and feel like I've been a good friend to them, regardless of their marital status. Kind of like Stephen Colbert's ? After my article on women without children in midlife went viral and I got several requests to write about single women in midlife, I wondered .. Am I as inclusive as I think toward my single female friends? Am I making assumptions or being insensitive at times? So I polled over a dozen of these women and got some pretty consistent feedback. Suspense Thriller Movies Take Me (2017).

Here is what single women want their married friends to know. Yes, it can be tough to be single in midlife.

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There clearly are challenges to being single in midlife, from the merely practical to the more deeply personal. Some daily tasks are just plain difficult when you live on your own. Stephanie* explains: . There's no handy husband and you often run the risk of being ripped off by workmen you hire. When you have to move or lift things, you have to call someone for help. It has to be planned, not spontaneous.

You also have to lean on friends for a ride to or from some doctors' appointments - - a colonoscopy buddy. I'm worn out being the initiator in my business, in parenting, on the home front, and for the whole personal side of my life. Just too many decisions to make morning, noon, and night.

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Sometimes that means you are home alone on a Saturday night, unless you have lots of single friends. Despite the fact that my parents are retired and in good health, they have always expected me to use my limited vacation time to travel to them for the holidays or other visits, even when I have had better accommodations for a visitor than they do. I crave the opportunity to entertain my family in my house, to show them that I can cook, decorate for the holidays, and be a good hostess. Some couples try to include me in events, but I do feel like the third wheel sometimes. Tracy is lucky to have a travel companion but she gets grief for that: . I don't get it. We enjoy each other's company - - who else are we supposed to spend time with?

Please include me in your social plans - - I promise, I won't . I remember being invited to a wedding of a colleague and being seated with her grandparents and their friends because there were 'no other single women there' when I would have much preferred to be with young couples. It reminds me that I don't bring the requisite male to the mix, therefore mess up the balance. Why can't the three of us go to dinner? I am not sure why inviting a single person is perceived as throwing off the party.

And at times when I have been in a relationship, it is amazing how much more I was included in social events. Since you're not friends with my ex, why did you stop inviting us over or accepting requests for family plans? Why can't a married family still make plans with a divorced family?

Girlfriends, know that I rely on your friendships Time and again, single women describe the added importance of their female friendships in their lives. Please know how important you are to me. I may seem fine living like a hermit, but having friends I can call at any time makes me feel as though I'm not alone. When I hear about mature women who get a man and just drop their friends, it's a tough pill for me to swallow.

Now I have to admit that when I was in my early 2. I thought I was in love and I neglected my best friend, Carol. Thank God Carol was still there when I came back, tail between my legs. She never said anything about it but I vowed that I would never drop a friend like that again. It sucks to have women who were once your friends decide that you are suddenly the devil because you are not with their husband's bestie.

One of them actually told me that we could still be friends as long as I didn't bring up all of the 'garbage.' That 'garbage' was my life! I told her to fuck off.! It is so funny to me that my 9- to- 1. Just because I'm single and 5. I'm desperate and will date anyone.

Many, but not all, women who are single in midlife would like to be in a relationship and do enjoy dating. Sue describes . What is going on? Are they for real? I want someone my age. I don't want someone 1. Stephanie explains, . When I don't act interested in the guy they describe as an alcoholic, someone who has weird social skills, the devoutly religious man of a different religion than mine, the guy who is nice but a little slow, or the one who poisons squirrels in his back yard, they think I am being picky.

My well- meaning elderly neighbor suggested that I should act dumb on the first few dates to attract a man, as I apparently scare them off with my immense intellect! If I was not attracted to a type of guy before, what makes you think that will suddenly change just because I'm over 4. Gertrude explains: .

I value honest, friendly, and nonjudgmental people in my life. I am a professional and would like to be with a professional partner, but if I don't feel the right vibe, all of what he is or has does not matter.

My future is no worse than yours - - there are no guarantees in life. The women I interviewed have pretty realistic perspectives on the future. Bonnie admits, . I don't think so as I think I'm just entering my prime years, but I sometimes wonder. Yes, sometimes I think about what will happen if I age and lose my capacities but it is what it is and, if you prepare things properly and have someone who can be your advocate and executor, you don't have to worry. But there is nothing that you can do in your younger years that will absolutely guarantee that you will have a man when you're in your 5. I always wish new couples a long and wonderful life together, but please don't be cocky because nothing is guaranteed.

Please believe me when I say it: I am okay. Women who are single in midlife want the rest of us to know that, despite life's normal ups and downs, they are doing just fine.

In Marie's words: . As a single older woman, I want acceptance, not suspicion or assumptions.

I am not damaged goods. I am not sad. I am not a reject.

That smile you see on my face is genuine. Did they ever think it just wasn't meant to be your life and there is nothing wrong with being single? I get to decide how the money is managed, what bills get paid off first, what school or summer camp is appropriate for my child. There are no differences of opinion, no debates, and no accommodations to be made. My single life is very productive and busy. I'll admit, there are times it would be nice to have a second set of hands around the house or around me, and someday I may meet someone who I want to spend my life with, but for now I am enjoying my decision- making freedom immensely. Being financially independent means that I do not 'need' a man in my life to survive, but should I decide I 'want' a man in my life, there is no pressure to prove myself or my worth; either you enjoy my company or you don't.

I have been married and lonely and, believe me, that is much worse than being single, independent, and free. And now that I am beyond the 'baby years,' I am actually pretty much ok with it and wonder if marriage is even one of my goals anymore. If I had married any of the men I thought I wanted to marry, I am pretty sure I would be divorced now anyway. I am happy with the life I have built and am lucky to be able to afford most things that I want on one income. As my nest empties, I see endless possibilities in my next chapter. I am unencumbered by a spouse's work life.

I feel like a freshman in college again. The world is my oyster! Being married does not give you the right to be insensitive. It's amazing what people feel they can say to women who are single in midlife. Here are some examples from Sue, a never- married single woman in her 6.